last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
