I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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