I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
