i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize