i'm lost and i look like a hooker
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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