Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
