I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
