I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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