remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
