Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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