im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
