my sisters under your porch take her home
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
