We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
