Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
