also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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