don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
