Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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