Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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