Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
