I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
