she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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