it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize