oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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