So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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