After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
