is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
