This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Pappa wants mamma naked
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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