I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
