We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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