So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
