The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
