....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize