Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
