You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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