laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
