Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
