stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Are my feet made of real feet?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
