Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
