I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
