...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
