I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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