I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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