Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
