I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's just like the Real World with babies
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
