she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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