she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
