Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
