it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
where am i from again
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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