She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
