just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
