Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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