So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Drunk is a universal language darling
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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