he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
