Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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