This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
