my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
