I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Jerry, you need to find god
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
