they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Blood and glitter go together right?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize