You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
