Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
