Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize