you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize