im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
