Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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