if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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