I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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