are you so shy because you have an std?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
