Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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