he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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