dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
