Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
