Please, let me fuck your mom
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
