I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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