How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
