It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
