all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
