I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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