i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
